Moving Ahead: -- It is important at some point that you move ahead -- although some people never do. Stuck in a time warp, they relive the tragic events over and over. Just as it is not healthy to bypass the natural grieving process, it is equally unhealthy to continue to grieve. As David "arose from the ground, washed, anointed himself, and changed his clothes...and came into the house of the Lord and worshiped..." after grieving over his son (2 Sam. 12:20) and...as Ezra encouraged his people to move on from grief and turn tears into joy (Neh. 8:11), it is essential that we do the same.

    Do you need help to move on? Seek it. For some reason Christians fear turning to others. Doesn't Proverbs speak of the need to "acquire wisdom?" One source of wisdom is found in the advice of qualified people who can instruct with objectivity regarding human behavior. Too often when faced with the emotional trauma of divorce, people turn for support only to those who are emotionally involved -- family and friends. That is a mistake. While you need the support of those people on one level, they may not be the ones who will help you move ahead. Family and friends tend to fuel pity and you don't need that. Find someone who can be objective -- who will tell you what you need to hear rather than what you want to hear. Or seek advice from a qualified professional who comes recommended by someone you trust.

A word of clarification: nothing written here is intended to provide safe haven for the guilty. I write with no intent to say, "All is well, all is well" (Jer. 8:11) when it is not. God's Word is clear when it comes to the consequences of marital infidelity (Matt. 5:32). Just as natural law comes with attached consequences, so does God's law for human behavior. If you are living in an adulterous relationship, you, too, can move ahead but only after you take the necessary steps to walk away from sin. As hard as that may be, it is the only way you will find the freedom of conscience that will enable you to capture the essence of life -- a hand-in-hand walk with God.

    Neither the passing of years not public approval will make wrongs turn into rights. It may mean that you have to live alone without the joy of earthly marital companionship, but in so doing you will know an inner peace like never before. Hard? Yes. Impossible? No. Jesus said, "If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off...for it is better for you that one of the parts of your body perish, than for your whole body to go into hell" (Matt. 5:30). If you need to sever a relationship that is standing between you and eternal life -- find the courage to do it. Life is too short to live in the backwash of a guilty conscience and eternity is too long not to be in the presence of God and His people.

Regaining Hope: -- For the innocent, however, there are times in the midst of a storm when it is not "Lord help me through this day..." but "Lord help me through this minute!" The strength of God, the support of family, and the encouragement of Christians will life you up.

    Two verses gave me hope: "Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength" (Neh. 8:10b), and "We know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God" (Rom. 8:28). Just knowing that God had not forsaken me gave me the blessed assurance to keep going.

    I couldn't bring myself to preach or write about home and family, relationships and marriage for years. But I do now. I have been blessed with opportunities to speak about the sanctity of marriage and the tragedy of divorce and, even though it remains painful to discuss, I am willing to do it because of the help it brings to others. When God says, "I hate divorce!" (Mal. 2:16), I think I understand. If couples only knew the heartache of what seems like a quick and simple solution to hurting homes, they would rethink their decision.

    "God cannot use you greatly until He has broken you completely." It's true. It made Haggai a better preacher. It gave Peter the credibility to write a letter of hope -- because his words came from one who had lost his hope only to find it again. No one helps another more than someone who has "been there." Maybe you are there. Whatever you do, do not cave in to pity. By the grace of God, rise up! Who knows, there may be others who could benefit from your experience and encouragement.