I Am Divorced. Like The Alcoholic: -- who finds courage to stand at his first A.A. meeting and admit what he would rather hide and deny, well, that's me. It's not easy writing those words or even admitting them to myself.

    You may wonder why it is that big a deal. After all, many marriages end in divorce and it is a common thing for people to talk in flippant tones about an ex-husband or wife as if they were speaking about a once-loved vehicle they have traded in on a new model. I hate that. My view of marriage is one of permanency -- one man and one woman "until death do you part" (Rom. 7:2,3). I learned, however, a valuable lesson along the road of life -- you cannot make someone else remain committed nor can you make him/her do what is right. You can, however, control yourself.

    It has been a long and difficult struggle. Divorce always is. It has been described as the "gift that keeps on giving" and anyone on the receiving end of a judge's gavel knows exactly what that means. It never just "goes away."

    I will tell you that as a gospel preacher there have been days when I wished I wasn't. There have been days when I have felt the extra burden that accompanies the glass house in which most of us who fill pulpits are forced to live. And there were days when, even though I knew my innocence, I wondered if others would have confidence in my work. It was an added burden and certainly not an imaginary one.

    Seventeen years after the fact, it is still hard to admit. There comes with that word a sense of failure and, although God does not hold one accountable for the sins of another, sometimes people aren't as merciful. But I can't do anything about that. And neither can you.

    Finding Faith: -- I write these difficult words in the hope that they will help another. Divorce is, in fact, life's greatest tragedy. It has been said that death is easier than divorce and in some ways it is. By no means does that minimize the grief that accompanies death nor do we do anyone any favors by comparing tragedies. But in death, as horrible as it can be, there is some semblance of closure. In divorce, the innocent ones live daily in the wake of someone's sin, and closure is seldom found.

    Debbie Lanphear of Bowling Green, Kentucky got it right when she wrote, "Divorce is like a Civil War triage where you feel a limb had been amputated without anesthesia." Some of you know what she means.

    Children of divorce struggle with emotional baggage beyond words -- words they can neither express or understand. In death they will eventually comprehend that mom or dad did not have a choice; in divorce, they will always struggle because mom or dad did have a choice.

    It is essential in all of this, however, that you rely upon your faith. If your faith counts for anything, it now must count for everything. The answer is not in denial (I am concerned about those people the most). The answer is not in busy-ness -- which only masks the real problem. The bottom line answer lies in an inseparable link to the Living Lord.

    Divorce Is The Gift That Keeps On Giving: -- Relying upon your faith is not only essential for you but for your children. Little eyes will be watching. It is important that you do more than teach them about faith -- you must show them faith in daily actions. This is critical because you are making deposits into their memory bank from which they will draw in later years. One day they will go through the hardest of times and one thing that will enable them to survive is the memory of a parent who faced the whirling clouds of upheaval with tremendous faith in the power of God.

    Yes, our God can do more than we ever ask or think (Eph. 3:20). He will enable you to find the faith to endure. The trauma of divorce will make you either bitter or better -- and it is your willingness to entrust such a heavy burden into Heaven's hands that will enable you not only to survive but also to become better as a result. (To be continued.)